Peacock and Horsehair
Awesome. The way you described the faded murals of the cieling was perfect. I also like how Tebin saw the columns as 'three times the height of his yurt' - it cements us in his perspective.
Thanks so much! Really glad the little details are clicking for you, part of my writing I'm focussing on improving. Happy reading!
That last bit of dialogue between the two boys is a bit clumsy, but entirely appropriate to the young, awkward almost-men doing the talking.
Suggestion: add “said awkwardly” or some other similar descriptive adjective to it, to emphasize that the clumsy conversation is intentional.
Thank you for the suggestion. A tight line to walk on how much to tell the reader and how much to leave unsaid, will see what I can do here. 🙂
Awesome. The way you described the faded murals of the cieling was perfect. I also like how Tebin saw the columns as 'three times the height of his yurt' - it cements us in his perspective.
Thanks so much! Really glad the little details are clicking for you, part of my writing I'm focussing on improving. Happy reading!
That last bit of dialogue between the two boys is a bit clumsy, but entirely appropriate to the young, awkward almost-men doing the talking.
Suggestion: add “said awkwardly” or some other similar descriptive adjective to it, to emphasize that the clumsy conversation is intentional.
Thank you for the suggestion. A tight line to walk on how much to tell the reader and how much to leave unsaid, will see what I can do here. 🙂