Dancing is a Scourge on Our Dwarven Ways

A fantasy One Shot.

Aug 20, 2025

group of people dancing — Photo by Ardian Lumi on Unsplash

Thanks to

Scoot

for his prompt “A character who is a culture critic” for this one.

Preposterous! That’s all I can say about it. To think we have fallen so far as to take ideas from humans! The mere thought drives me into a virulent rage that is wont to have me take to my bed lest I expire. Not only are we the elder species but also the more sophisticated, accomplished in all manner of arts, technology, and science. We are responsible for their success! I doubt anyone reading this needs a full lesson of history but needless to say we rescued them when they appeared on our shore starving, desperate, and few in number. We welcomed them into our towns and cities, taught them the ways of the land, introduced them to all our understandings and cultivations. And how do they repay us? By undermining us! By filling our heads with ideas on par with boiled cabbage!

How many of you have seen this latest trend? Mmm? The swaying, the shuffling of feet, the joining and separating of hands, the spinning. Oh the spinning, those silly humanfolk look as if they are spinning tops, twirling along to that cat’s claw on slate they call “music”. And just last night I witnessed a dwarf engaging in the same act. Suffice to say I was beside myself, my wife too, and our young, as well as the entire clan and all onlookers. A dwarf engaging in dance! Can you imagine a more ignoble sight? I cannot. Undignified, shameful, the offender should be exiled to prevent his failure of judgement spread.

There is no coordination that I can make out, no reason for a left step or a right step or when and why a spin occurs. The humans, and dwarf, appeared to have lost their minds. The musicians too as they continued to play without any respect given to proper musical metre. I chastised the fellow but a few saw fit to applaud his efforts. The humans were all too glad to have convinced one of their betters to lower himself, I’m sure they believe themselves to have won a great victory. I assure you this will lead nowhere good, nowhere sane and Dwarven. Only chaos lies at the end of this deep, long road, and our kind no all too well the perils far of the long roads beneath the dirt. This is merely a step towards such dangers.

The humans have their own settlements now but some insist on remaining in our towns and cities, why? It is many decades since they arrived ashore, shipwrecked and homeless, and by our bounty they survived. Yet they disrespect our customs and entice good dwarves to betray themselves. A human may lack the iron to be disciplined, a dwarf does not and if he does, as that young man did last night, then he must be brought to bear the importance of our ways and why we keep them.

We who have guarded the mortal realm from evils so few know. We who do this selflessly and without reward. We who die so others might live. Dancing is for the folk who have no cares, no worries, because they sit behind our shield, our hammer, and know nothing of the horrors below eager to arise.

Keep your discipline, fellow dwarves. Keep your iron, do not relinquish that which makes you Dwarven, stand strong, stand firm, and the next time a human invites you to dance, pat them on the head and tell them it’s nice they can flit away the hours in idleness for even our children know more of duty than the oldest human.